The journey of two guys ( with one cat & lot of great friends) trying to get through life and expand their family through surrogacy in Thailand.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Fall off the horse Vs Get back on again

So what do you do when you fall off the horse?

Well, if you’re me, then you first look around to see how many people witnessed the fall because your injuries will be in direct proportion to the number of people who saw you sustain them.
For example, in a large group of people my reaction would be as follows:

“No, no guys! I’m good. Don’t even worry!  No, it’s cool, my arm usually bends like that, I swear. And I’m pretty sure it’s ok for my shin bone to be peeking out of my skin like that. It just needed a little fresh air, that’s all. I’ll just walk it off, it’ll be fine. Walk it off….walk it off. Now where is that horse? Time to jump back on!!”

Now, if no one had seen it…my phone would be out and I would be dialing 911 on my way down to the ground; because even if I only had a scratch, there’s always the possibility of getting mad horse disease…which isn’t even a thing, but I’m sure I would be the first to contract it. I would then concoct a believable story about being mugged by the horse so that the EMS personnel wouldn’t know that the injuries were due to me trying to stand up on the saddle of the horse like they do in the circus.

Those reactions aren’t because I’m prideful; it’s actually just the opposite. I can’t stand to be the center of attention especially if the attention is garnered because of an injury. So, I’ll do whatever I can to ensure that the attention is directed elsewhere as quickly as possible. Look a unicorn!!

It’s the same idea here. How do I direct attention away from the emotional injuries sustained earlier? Try, try again. And so we shall.

We’re currently regrouping to see how we should move forward. Right now, Frankie only has one embryo frozen at the clinic, and it really isn’t a great embryo. In fact, it wasn’t even able to be graded, so we have no idea whether or not it would continue to develop in utero. Using that embryo simply isn’t the best idea if we want to give ourselves the best chance of success. So, realistically we have two options:

The first is to see whether or not Frankie has any frozen swimmers left at the clinic. If he does, we would ask the ED we used from the first round to cycle again for us, fertilize the eggs with Frankie’s frozen sperm and then proceed with another fresh embryo transfer after the cycle. We would really love to have the same genetic mother for any children we are lucky enough to have. So, in some ways, this option would be ideal because who knows what our ED will be doing in the future and whether or not she would be willing to donate again down the line.

The second is to try a frozen embryo transfer with one of the 7 embryos with my genetic material. The agency we’re using (New Life) has been really great in working with us as a couple and not making us jump through a lot of hoops should we need to change the contract with them (using my embryos instead of his). I would much rather use Frankie’s embryos, but time and money make that a bit more difficult if he has no frozen sperm left over. If we were to go down that road and use mine, and we were lucky enough to be successful, we would then see if our ED would be willing to donate sometime next year when we went for baby pick-up. That way, Frankie can donate more swimmers while we’re there, and those embryos can be frozen for a later attempt with his material, and if we tried for a sibling in the future, our kids would be genetically related.

So, that’s where we stand right now. We are once again full of hope, full of excitement, and full of joy. That might also be due to the pleasant distraction of leaving for an all-inclusive resort in Cancun on Monday, but either way…hope, excitement and joy. And a liquor dispenser in our room at the resort.


  1. All of your plans sound great, so obviously you just need a few answers and then you can decide which way to go. And disappearing on holiday sounds like the best way to go right now! So yee haw, giddy up. And have a great trip.

  2. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and figure out which way to go next. I think taking care of yourselves is the perfect thing to do. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. Hey Justin. I just came across your blog and found it very inspiring as I'm about to go through the process as a single dad. Please let me know if you have any time to chat for some advise. thanks!

  4. Sorry for the setback guys. Hang in there, and may your dream of parenthood be realized in 2014. Happy New Year. xoxo

  5. Hey-- just wanted to say we're thinking of you guys as you figure out how to proceed. We keep checking back every so often to see if any updates. I think of you two as our partners in crime, given that we were researching Thailand at the same time back in the day. All the best. N