Thailand Vs. India...
Round One…
Fight!!
Ok, so I suppose this really isn’t a fair fight. After all,
Thailand is home to Muay Thai Kickboxing, and India is home to the Kama Sutra.
It’s clear which country is a lover, not a fighter. Just the same, when it came
to the surrogacy battle, India definitely won out. (Before it was taken out of
the competition Tonya Harding style by the Indian Home Ministry and their visa
regulations…) With India off the table, Thailand became the best option for us,
and after getting over the shock of having to regroup and change locations, we’re
actually pretty happy that things have turned out this way.
One of the reasons we’re so pleased is because of my
aforementioned family in Thailand who have been so incredibly supportive of us
during this process. But I feel like there are not so personal advantages and of course disadvantages as well. So, for anyone who has had to face the same situation, or for those just starting to consider surrogacy, I
present to you some of the pros and cons of Thai Surrogacy (according to yours truly).
Let’s get the cons out of the way. I’m always one to pick
hearing the “bad news” first. The biggest issue is that surrogacy is neither
legal nor illegal in Thailand. So, it’s not just a gray area within a law, it’s
an entire gray sky. There is a draft law in place that if enacted would
effectively ban commercial surrogacy in Thailand, and while that draft law has
been approved, it currently sits in limbo. No one knows if or when the bill
will be enacted, which puts pressure on potential IPs to act quickly. However, this is not a process to rush into, so there is quite a conundrum here; and really it's just something we will have to keep an eye on to see how it plays out.
Additionally, there
are some big issues with the Birth Certificate as well. In India, IPs are
neatly written into the child’s birth certificate as the legal parents.
Badda-bing, badda-boom. Done. However, in Thailand, all babies born are seen as
a product of a relationship, even babies born through surrogacy. This means
that the surrogate mother’s name ends up on the BC with either A) the genetic
father’s name (male IP) or B) her husband’s name if she is married (again, the
baby is seen as the product of a relationship, and if she is married then the
baby is assumed to be her husband’s.) This makes it crucial to ensure that the surrogate is not married. It also makes it exceedingly difficult (if not impossible) for a single woman to pursue surrogacy in Thailand. After the BC is issued, there is then a process in which the
surrogate relinquishes her rights and gives sole custody to the genetic
father (The IP) so he can get the proper paperwork done for citizenship and a
passport. (Please note there is still some debate as to how this process should
work, so I will say that I’m writing this as I see it working.) To be so
dependent on a stranger doing all of this is really scary…but no scarier than
having a stranger carry a child for us. I feel that if we can trust her to
ensure our child is born healthy, we can also trust her to do the right thing and happily give us full rights to the child.
On the financial side of things, there will also be a larger impact on your bank account when going to Thailand. While there is always variation from program to program, most clinics in Thailand charge somewhere around $34,000 for surrogacy with an ED, while clinics in India generally charge something around $25,000. Paying more for the same thing is never a good thing.
For faithful researchers like myself, the other negative aspect of Thailand is that compared to
India Thai clinics are relatively new and therefore have little statistical
information to offer. Many of the agencies opened in 2011 or 2012 and some
haven’t had any babies born to foreigners yet. (In fact, the agency I'm using just had it's first baby born in June of this year.) This leaves some questions up in the air that
simply cannot be answered yet. But, there’s only one way to find out. And
eventually, if the Thai government continues to allow surrogacy, this won’t be
a problem.
Now that we have that unpleasantness out of the way, we can
think about the pros.
For one, “Delhi Belly” takes out many a tourist, but
fortunately you don’t hear a lot about “upset GI from Thai”. (Sorry, I tried
really hard to rhyme Bangkok with some form of gastro-intestinal distress, but
really, what rhymes with Bangkok?!)
Secondly, not only does Thailand still allow gays to enter
into surrogacy contracts, their culture is also far more accepting of same-sex relationships than most of East and South Asia. For
same-sex couples, that’s a huge plus. If you’re travelling with your partner
and have some free time, you can always try to head to Pattaya where they are
especially accepting of diversity. (It’s also especially full of prostitutes,
or “massage parlors”, staffed by ladies, ladyboys, or boys…so some research
into which areas to avoid might be in order.)
Thirdly, many of the clinics in India that I researched
discourage or flat out forbid you from meeting your ED. They are anonymous, and
prefer to stay that way. I know some IPs had a different experience, but I can
only speak to what I was told by the clinics. While I can respect their
policies and the privacy of the EDs, it would certainly leave me wanting for something. However, all of
the Thai agencies/clinics that I inquired with not only allowed, but encouraged
me to meet the ED and the surrogate. For me, that’s a huge plus. I was able to
sit down with my awesome egg donor, get a sense of her personality and even ask
her about future contact. I hope to be able to do the same with the surrogate
at a later time.
Fourthly (I looked that one up...it's a real thing), while all cities have their charm, Bangkok is generally accepted to be significantly further developed than both New Delhi and Mumbai. While this does translate to Thai surrogacy being more expensive than Indian surrogacy; it also means that it is generally more comfortable for the average western traveler. The location of Bangkok in proximity to the coast also means a two hour drive to gorgeous beaches.
And last but not least, you don’t have to worry about buying
only green and yellow clothes, or buying those awkward, “Congratulations! It’s
a.....Baby!” signs. Thailand has no laws forbidding gender determination, so
you can break out the “It’s a girl” cigars at the appropriate moment. (If you
want, you can even select the gender of your child… personally, I don’t
necessarily say I see that as a pro as I like the thought of letting fate
decide, but some people might.)
I like to consider myself to be a realistic optimist, so
while I see faults in the Thai surrogacy system, I tend to try and focus on the
good. In the end, I think Thailand was the best choice for us, but does that
mean it’s the right choice for you? Not necessarily. But at least now you know,
and knowing is half the battle. (Did anyone love GI Joe as much as I did
growing up?!)
